sunsets__carcrashes's Xanga

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 21:33:42 GMT

my page is currently under construction so please bare with me.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 19:01:09 GMT

i'm in shock.
i'm in pain.
i'm in awe.
i'm in a crummy mood.
i'm in a great mood.
i'm everything you thought i wouldn't be.
i'm everything you never wanted.
i'm everything you could ever ask for.
i'm everything you aren't expecting.
i'm everything i'm not.

things have been going my way
like...really well too.
anything i could have asked for basically happened this week.
only, results in problems &&drama...which i guess i have to learn to deal with anyhow so its not that big of a deal.
i saw the spill canvas freakin live on monday the 26th.
i saw blood brothers, coheed&cambria and some gay band on saturday, october 1st.
both were probably the best nights of my life.
Considering, i got blood brothers autographs, was with people i enjoy being around, met a few new people (0.o.), was in chicago, i learned a lot about subways and i like to eat subway.
I don't like the school cafeteria. It's a bunch of shit.
I don't enjoy coming home to nothing when I tried not eating a bunch of shit.
I really really really love subway with all my heart.
And i really and truely am glad i have le best friend.
shes amazing, really.
she knows exactly what to say when there isn't anything to say, which makes her top of the line. i can trust her and be upfront with her about just about anything&everything. shes loud which i thought before was embarassing...but really, just makes me appreciate her more because she doesn't care what people think of her. She doesn't have to fit in to feel good about herself nonetheless do stuff so people notice her. and has so much of an effect on peoples lives they sit in their house thinking about how great of a person she is to type a paragraph or four on their xangas.
Can't get much better than that can ya?
ohhhbaby.
got the Squee-Z-Bubs.
pretty freakin excited.
i'm not a huge fan of Jimmy Bridges right aboot now.
hes creepy and i don't like biology.
i miss my baby lena, davey jay &anybody else i haven't hung out with in a super long time.
miss meyer and i haven't exactly hung out recently either. i wonder how ben is doing...? and i really wish i could see melissa sometime soon.
i have been taking advantage of katie with her license so badly, it seems. i feel terrible and i should stop. no rides anywhere unless we are hanging out. And even then, we won't be driving much of anywhere. She used lots of gas money.
and i like panera peanut butter &jelly.
hmm well ill put pictures up here sometime soon from the past couple weeks since they've been pretty intense.
this goes out to Melissa S. [seriously, one of the coolest girls you'll ever meet. Known her since i was .......................... we've just known eachother for a long time.]

♥Happy Birthday Melissa♥

<3jessca.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 16:50:16 GMT

alright so... its been awhile since i've updated once again.
school has been going pretty well. had a few disagreements here and there with people. made a few new friends which include april, jimmy and elliot...i guess you could count eric too 'cause i never talked to him before. well Elliot and Jimmy both drew me pictures.
i thought they were funny so i'm going to post them on here. First one is Jimmys based off my Finding Nemo Tee that i wore. the little girl is me

and This one here is Elliots....decided to draw for me in english. I felt a bit hated, but he didn't mean that vibe to come off the picture?! i always knew i looked like a man.

all i know is that everything has been working out well for me the past couple of days. Hm, schoolwork has been a pain in the ass though. that doesn't exactly count. Yet, i love being a sophmore this year. Its probably going to be one of the best years in high school.
Next year will be alright, but my senior year will probably suck 'cause most my friends will have graduated....
Not to worry though, its a little while from now and i'm not really into thinking about it. aha.
Everybody is growing up. Everybody is changing. Everything can be disappointing and ruin how you look at somebody. First impressions are normally how i still look at people, but now how everybody is older and not the same as how i met them, i don't know how to look at them.
It basically sucks when you learn people won't always be the same as you'd like them. I mean, I know i'm most definitely not the same person I was when I met most of my good friends and I'm not always too shabby of who I am when I look back on it. Last year I was a total loser. Now, i don't really think i am....so it helps.
I don't understand a lot of the things that people do for others just to fit in or something. Just to even do because they wanted to try something new.
odds are if you have doubts about it, didnt like it at some point in your life, talked shit about somebody who did it before...You shouldn't feel better about yourself when you come across something like that.
Because nobody knows who I am.
Nobody knows what has gone on in my life.
Nobody knows how i feel about it, honestly.
Nobody understands what i've done.
and how much i regret it.
I honestly didn't know any better.
or even told anyone.
because i didn't think too highly of myself afterwards.
and it takes a while to even look at yourself in the mirror.
Yeah, Theres so much to me than anybody will ever know.
so other than all of that. I talked to ms. trackman.
i friggen love her. only she had to move to new york. butthole.
i also love my friends. a lot. lot. lot. lot.
i can't wait until the spill canvas show on the 26th
and i'm also going to see coheed/mewithoutYOU/&&the blood brothers on the 1st of october.
that should be badass.
I'm getting my ticket tomorrow, i think.
suppsoed to get it like a month ago.
and yesterday.
but i didn't/couldn't.
yesterday was katies early 16th birthday celebration since her bday is on a weekday.
Lindsay also got her license yesterday.
and somebody deleted all the pictures from last night on my camera, except three....that all had nick in it?!
aldjfisdfjeioajdsklfjadklfjeioanjs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whatever. katie has some photos.
and that should be enough, i have memories and two polaroids from the photobooth.

God, do i love funway.
oh and last saturday, went to winfield/naperville with april. met audrey finally....and Liz.
met like 498735413247216540561 people too. but i didn't actually meet them.
april drives me home/only happened 2x though.
we met up once after school for a little while.
went to borders for like an hour and a half.
and we just talk a lot. aha, shes cool and i get a lot of shit for making new friends....or just 'cause its april and i talk to her a lot? whatever.
and i will eat at panera sometime.
i want to see peter, and go see It's unbelievable but I believed you
naperville, downtown area at least, is freakin gorgeous.
i love the show instant star.
i love degrassi, new season starst on the 7th.
anddddddd. smalleville starts on the 29th.
which is kristens 16th birthday.
so the next few weeks will be hectic, but i'll be off grounding and ihope i get to meet alexz johnson. ahahah. i'm cooooool.
anyway, thats all. prob staying in the house tonight 'cause i get off grounding this weekend.
and i'd love to be able to leave the house without sneaking out or something.
ahh, the freedom of not being grounded. aha.
kay so ima get ready since ill be leaving soon.
love.love.love.
J E S S ' C A

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 04:15:20 GMT

yeah well its been a little while since i've said much of anything on here. i still have my lip peirced after my dad said no, took pliars to my face&cut it off. &&i absolutely adore it. of course, new photo::

&&i've been going through a few problems lately that i'm not sure how to deal with. I know i should go &&be upfront about everything but i can't find my way around the problem. i have been feeling so good about myself around my friends lately because I have come past everything and actually feel confident. not about how looks but anything i say.
I don't want to become OVERconfident.
yet, i don't want to feel like a complete idiot or so worthless around people.
i felt so fucking worthless the other night/weeks.
last night was the football game.
it was enjoyable after i saw the marching band. they make me so happy...yeah, they do.
weather i know people in there or not.
it makes it better to know courtney, kelsi, phil, mae, sarah, erik, sammyy! &&everybody else is in there 'cause i love them all so friggen much.
i'm up to the point where i don't care.
carefree of a lot of things when i'm in a good mood.
not very many people can bring me down unless your my dad or somebody who means the world to me.
and the people who think they mean the world to me, probably don't right now just because of the way they've been acting.
which is terrible for me to write about in an online journal that anybody could see, but once again. i'm carefree. deal with it.
i feel worthless around certain people but i feel important around others.
and the ones i feel important around, are the ones i'd like to keep friendships with rather than the people who make me feel bad about myself.
ive sadly made a couple friends this year.
obviously losing a few friendships.
i've become friends with caitlin again, mmm thats good.
i love my baby lena so much. i just got off the phone with her.
shes in indiana and i miss her. even tho we probably wouldn't of seen eachother this weekend. quite possibly we could have at the game last night but yeah...
i think i'm really happy right now, probably still 'cause of the marching band and then also Gorillaz make me happy.
these people&more make my life/world a better place and even if i look bad, i don't care 'cause this was fun. [[circa::my birthday.]]

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 21:19:04 GMT

so today was the first day of school.
yesterday was my birthday
and the day i got my lip peirced!
eee. i feel so quote on quote BADASS.
go me?

heh. sorta big but i'm not changing it.
oh gosh how i love that kelsi goes to high school now.
and yeah i'm in trouble so i'm out.
laterrr
<3jessca.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 23:15:51 GMT

alright, its been a while for a real real real entry.
basically.
heres whats going on.
my birthday is in six days.
i'm more excited than ever.
but my birthday normally sucks.
and i know it will.
just 'cause its the day before school.
other than that...i don't know why. but i feel like i did back ...around novemberish. last year. this one quote describes it so well from bright eyes.
"i feel alone at a table of friends."
i can't help it either. i'm with them. i seem like i have a good time, i don't honestly. i don't feel like i have real friends anymore. so many people are just fucking fake. so many people are dramatic. so many people are just not worth my time. i never look at myself higher than anybody, and just because i'm going to be a little older, i dont feel the need to. but seriously, this has to stop. i did nothing to anybody to hurt them this past year. and if i did, i've apologized. we've made amends and it was close to nothing that they got upset over. yet so many people just screw me over.
i'm so sick of being the one everybody uses, the one person when everybody has abandoned them...i'm still there for them. i'm so tired of waiting around for a friendship that only i give/gave effort to. thats not even a fucking friendship. thats nothing. thats me being an idiot. why do i wait around? why do i even think its worth it?
how come i'm the last person everybody runs to?
i actually help them all the time, when they are at their worst, but when they need something little that means a lot to them, i'm not around. they don't want me there, they don't want my help.
i'm not who everybody thinks i am.
i am understanding, to the fullest extent.
i'm not even mean to people. i tell them what i honestly think, and thats what they ask for.
my opinion.
and i dont tell anybody anything. whats said between me and somebody, stays between us. why doesn't anybody trust me anymore?
ugh.
after a few things happen.
i have a feeling this year, i'm going to explode.
i'm going to stop doing everything i hate.
become the person i've never really liked.
but oh well, I dont really like myself right now. or i'm just being the typical teenager.
so i'm feeling like a worthless peice of shit right now.
and i'm not looking for attention.
or sympathy for that matter.
more or less, somebody to care.
about anything and everything.
but because thats not going to happen.
i'm done with this post.
♥jessca.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:03:27 GMT

kay so this week and a half, maybe just past 2 weeks has probably been one of the most memorable weeks.
--->chris dying.<---
--->just the whole car accident in general.<---
--->school year startings.<---
--->drama. kinda-sorta.<---
--->killing abraham shows.<---
--->mini golfing.<---
--->fun pictures.<---
--->acting like a total bitch.<---
--->gossip.<---
--->me and meyer are talking again.<---
--->PETER! and his show.<---
--->davey jay <---
--->tennis starting.<---
--->bike riding.<---
--->Spill Canvas.<---
--->crying.<---
--->laughing.<---
--->EVERYTHING. <---
i could probably go on for a while.
i'm just in a mixed up mood right now.
everything is so....akward.
school registration was this morning.
wooo. yeah.
kayi'm done.
<3 <3 <3

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 05:24:22 GMT

ugh.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 01:19:23 GMT

yeah so my plans always never work out.
ice skating didn't happen...
ugh, like.
nobody is going to understand for a while how much that means to me.
i ended up riding a bike to kelsi's at 9 on tuesday night.
we talked for like an hour.
wow, i talk a lot.
i think i need to work with that.
anyway, i'm addicted to diet coke right now.
weird...i know.
i'm kinda hungry.
i slept all day, i'm going to be up alllll freaking night. which is what blows.
i don't have anything interesting to talk about so, hows about i end this with some more ny photos, kay?kay.
*******************************
the first night we're out there [in canada.]...&&for some reason this picture makes me laugh but i love how it turned out. i don't know if you'll agree?

and buckethead was in the baseball hall of fame!
not to mention the lovely lady outside...aha....

and baby sydnie! shes absolutely adoreable.
not to mention i love katie. SMILEYFACE!

and well. we're probably the scene-est kids on the block, it was hot so we took pictures in the car. &&this one is cool.

i think thats plenty....so. i love you all&&ill update later i suppose.
**************************************
<3jess'ca.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 16:02:50 GMT

back from new york a couple days ago
it was stellar to the maxx!!!!
so was canada!

i missedyouall.
but...now i miss new york.
the rock and roll hall of fame is radical.
&&i had a blast.

tomorrow consists of ice skating with lena.
then i am mini-golfing with kelsi hopefully sometime this week.
hopefully gordon takes me to the paddleboats!
and then the 30th i'm attending a party of some sort. birthday/touchy-feely party. i don't know. but, i'll have fun.

new spill canvas is only 9 dollars!!!
i can't wait.
&&in this post. i'm so awesome at hiding my feelings.
'cause i'm feeling pretty lousy right about now.
but i love you all.
and ill post more if dave doesn't call.
which means i'm mad..
so until then.
love.love.love
jess'ca.
---------------------------------------
here are the niagra photos:

my camera messed that one up.
but those last two have rainbows.
i realize they all look the same.
but it was gorgeous.
i will go back there sooner than everybody is thinking.
mhmm.
well i'm off.
<3
&&actually.
i think this picture is hilarious no matter howbad i looked.
it was all misty and rainy and awesome up by the larger fall on the canadian side. it was super cool.
and my brother is crazy.
but.
me+katie+cj @ niagra.

*********************************************